So last night I'm watching the first episode of the new season of The Bachelor because it stars Jake Pavelka, the hunky airline pilot from last season's Bachelorette. The show ends and there's a commercial for the show coming on next, and I was so horrified, I just had to watch it.
The show was called Conveyor Belt of Love. I kid you not. I'll describe it for you as best I can, whle trying not to vomit into my mouth. There were five women looking for love. I watched the show and I know they had names, but they've either been blocked out or I just didn't absorb them. One gal was a southern type from someplace like Kentucky or Mississippi, who was looking for a geeky guy who likes comics like she does. There was a blonde gal with a very short, tight, low cut dress with her boobs almost sticking out. (Do not judge that particular book by the cover, as I later found out).
There was another dark haired woman who I think was Latina? Kind of ethnic looking and pretty. She turned out to be a little flighty with her choices. There was another gal who made it clear she came from an intense Christian background. And then the last contestant was a very outspoken Asian woman.
The women were seated, armed with paddles that said "Interested" on one side, and "Not Interested" on the other. If they were interested in one of the men on the conveyor belt, they would hold up the side that says Interested. If more than one woman was interested in the same guy, the guy got to choose which woman he would want to date. Then the chosen men got to stand on a raised podium in a box with that woman's name on it. However, if the woman then became interested in another man, the one already there would get knocked out of the box and go away.
Yes, the men actually came out while standing on a conveyor belt. Hence the name conveyor belt of love. Because of course everyone knows the best way to choose the man of your dreams is for them to come riding by on a conveyor belt, while having them talk for sixty seconds. Yeah, right. They had 60 seconds to state who they were and say something representative of themselves. Many men just continued on that conveyor belt out the door. The latina woman seemed a little confused as she would pick a man and then discard him for another, and she did this more than once.
Now, back to that blonde I was talking about. Ok, I admit that I misjudged her. There, I said it. She dressed like you would expect some ditsy, brainless bimbo to dress, so I assumed, wrongly I see, that she was neither nice or intelligent. Yet, I think she made the best match of all. She picked a heavy man named Erich. Erich was a sommelier, a wine expert, and he was funny. He came out doing an impression of late comedian Chris Farley. He made her laugh, and I admit he was kind of charming.
Now, when the last male contestant, a cute guy singing and playing a guitar, came rolling out, both she and the first woman were interested in him. Erich, who had stayed quiet up until then, said to the blonde that he thought the other guy would be perfect for her and she should go for him. She told Erich to stay right there, that she was no longer interested in the other guy! She and Erich ended up going out and when he asked her why someone as gorgeous as her would go out with someone like him, she said that when he tried to sacrifice himself she realized she would be a fool to let go of someone who cared so deeply about putting HER best interests first. I ended up liking her very much for her integrity and because after the date she said she wanted to keep seeing Erich. I truly hope that they end up together. Erich is a nice guy, and turns out she's a nice gal.
Ironically, all the dates turned out good except for the one the Christian gal went on. She HAD originally picked a nice, geeky guy who was a self-admitted virgin. The asian gal joked that they made a perfect couple, that they could go for a walk holding hands and not kissing. But in the end she bumped the virgin for Lance, a tattooed motorcycle guy. Yes, she picked the "bad" boy, then on the date mentioned marriage and children incessantly. I don't know whether it was to shut her up or if he really feels this way, but when he commented that he hopes one day an ex-girlfriend from the past calls him and tells him she wants him to meet the 15 year old son he never knew about, that pretty much turned off Miss Marriage Minded once and for all.
It was like watching a train wreck. You really don't want to look, because you know you're going to see something horrible, but you just can't tear your eyes away.
This show was on ABC and based on it I'm going to rename the network "A Bad Choice". Oooh, ABC, please no more conveyor belts. What's next, ferris wheel of love? Please. I beg you. No.
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